Several years ago, I wrote a song for a friend’s fortieth birthday party. The song poked fun at the loss of memory that most of us experience as we grow older. The chorus said, “Hardening arteries… senility’s creeping in…it gets the best of me, how did this all begin!” It was great fun teasing him about growing older and all the wonderful changes that go along with the process. Of course that was when I was younger. Today, it is not quite so funny!
I find that in order to survive I must surround myself with sticky notes! I can no longer remember even the simplest of things. Daily goals, phone numbers and messages are all posted on my kitchen cabinets. If my children request that I do something for them, I tell them to stick a sticky note on my purse. I take the note to work and place it beside my computer and hope that I will remember to look at it!
How did it come to this! I’m not old! Now, I have an official excuse…want to hear it? I took the drug Tamoxifen as an anti-cancer drug. According to my doctor, it does diminish memory. See, there it is! A real, bonafide reason! I’m not old I'm just suffering the side effects of medication or so I tried to convince, my coworkers.
Of course they reminded me that loss of memory comes with age and then suggested that I may not regain as much memory as I hoped I would whenever I stopped taking the drug. They are normally right about most things, but this is one time I was hoping that they are wrong. In fact, at the time, I remember thinking that it was probably not important. I figured that when I stop taking the drug I probably won’t remember that anyone ever said that at all!
Okay, you’re laughing…but just wait! It will happen to you, too. One day you will not know your address or your phone number. Your best friend’s name won’t come to mind or you will forget something very important like picking up your kids or that hair appointment that you made two months ago. Just like the wicked witch of the west said, "All in good time my pretty, all in good time." It will happen to you, too!
When I was about sixteen years old my preacher said from the pulpit that he looked in the mirror one day and wondered who the old man was looking back at him. Of course being sixteen, I had all the answers, so I remember thinking, "How can you NOT know you are old!" However, the older I get, the more I understand that statement.
So what am I to do? Am I doomed to a life of forgetfulness and the embarrassment that it brings? Maybe not…after all there are memory enhancing drugs, electronic devises to write messages to myself, I have been known to leave a message on my own answering machine, stick a note in my car, or send an e-mail to myself. I have decided to do whatever it takes to get the job done.
So what if I can’t remember things the way I used to! I have wisdom that comes with age! I have knowledge that is born from experience! I am no longer looking for myself. I have found me and I like what I have found! Besides, I also know how to play the game of life. It is not important for me to store all the information in my head. Sticky notes are okay! It is all a matter of mind over matter…if you don’t have a mind, then it really doesn’t matter!
Did I convince you? Do you believe me? No? Okay, I’ll confess. I would love to have the mental capacity that I once took for granted. I miss being able to do six things at once in my mind. I get frustrated at myself when I forget, especially names and past events that leave me standing there smiling at someone because not only can I not remember their names, I don’t remember how I know them, but I am sure that I do.
I hate to be embarrassed or feel stupid, but getting upset only seems to make it worse. It seems that the harder I think the more I forget! But part of being a “grown-up” is wisdom. I just may have to accept that I may never have the memory that I once had.
So now what? I believe that the answer lies in two things, humor and sticky notes. I must be able to laugh at myself and admit that I have forgotten. I must understand that it is something that all of us go through from one degree or another. I must forgive myself for not being perfect and move on.
Now...what was I talking about?...
Mine are in lots of sizes and colors. Even my 17 year old daughter has caught on to the brilliance of sticky notes. Often I will remind her she needs to do something and she'll say, "Write it on a sticky note and put it on my mirror."
ReplyDeleteDealing with your memory is often like being a good manager. It isn't about knowing all the answers. It is about surrounding yourself with the tools to get the right answers!