Waiting on the Lab Report

We’ve all been there.  You finally get around to making that doctor appointment that you have been putting off forever.  There is a problem.  It hurts. It’s swollen.  It looks funny.  Or just doesn’t work right. You didn’t want to call, but your loved ones and your body insisted upon it.  It’s frustrating.  After all, you’re a busy person!  People depend upon you! You don’t have time to be sick.  Besides, it will go away!  Just ignore it!  Take some pain meds!  Think positive thoughts… but it doesn’t go away. 

So you call, put the date on your calendar and try not to think about it.  But then the day arrives.  As you pull into the parking lot you grumble to yourself.  I’ll be here forever.  I should charge the doctor for MY time.  This is stupid.  The doctor will laugh at me.  I am being a baby.  I’m just getting older.  I’m not staying…I don’t have time for this! 

           

As your mind screams for you to escape, you emerge from your car and make your way inside the minimally decorated waiting room.  You sign in, take the clip board, find a seat near the person who looks the LEAST sick in the room, fill out the forms and wait.  Old worn out magazines, a flat screen TV playing infomercials or some guy talking on his cell phone are the only distractions.  So, you sit.

           

As you wait the reality of the situation hits you.  There is a possibility that this problem could be life changing.  Maybe it is worse than you think.  Maybe that little problem is just the tip of the iceberg.  You are strong, mighty, invincible, but you know what icebergs can do, right?  They thought the Titanic would never go down and look what happened!  Who would take care of you if you really were sick?  How would you survive financially?  Would you lose your job, your house, your lifestyle?

           

Lost deep in your own thoughts, you suddenly feel yourself rise to your feet and say, “I’m fine” as you make your way to the door.  How did that happen?  You never heard her say your name.  You’re on autopilot now; greeting the nurse, scales, blood pressure, temperature and a brief overview of why you have come.  The nurse doesn’t want the whole story, just the basics and that is what you give her.  When she has finished her report, she tosses a gown upon the examining table.  “Remove your dignity and put this on,” she tells you, “the doctor will be in soon,” and then she leaves. 

           

With clothes nearby wearing a paper thin gown you wait.  There is no escaping now.  What do you say when the doctor enters the room?  How long HAVE you had this problem?  WHEN did it start?  Does anything make it worse, better, does anyone in your family have this?  You don’t know!  Until this moment it has been more important to ignore it, than concentrate on it. 

           

But now it is test time and you didn’t study!  You don’t want to look stupid.  You are here now.  You’ve come this far.  But what if you say the wrong thing, leave out the details or miss a symptom.  What if the doctor looks at you and says, “There is nothing wrong with you!  Why are you here!  You are wasting my time!”  Don’t think…just don’t think… you tell yourself.  So you look around the room. 

Why are there so many charts and pictures of the human body? That plastic model on the table is a bit creepy, too.  Are they there for me to see or does my doctor need a cheat sheet?  Good grief!  You know what they say…fifty percent of the doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.  Which half did I get?  This is a mistake.  Can I get dressed and get out of here without them seeing me?  But then, two short knocks on the door and the doctor enters to room.  It’s show time!

You’re poked, prodded, questioned and finally patted on the back.  “Well,” the doctor says, “this is what I think.  It could be this; it could be that, it could be nothing at all.  We need to run a few tests to be sure” As soon as you hear those words your mind begins to race. More tests!  More missing work! More expense, waiting rooms, poked and prodded!  And what did you say it might be?  “So, what happens if it is this…or that” … you hear yourself stammer. 

“It might be nothing”, the doctor says calmly.  “Let’s see what the tests say then we will take it from there, OK?” …. OK?  OK?  No, it is NOT OK!  I came here for answers!  I want to know now!  What do I tell my loved ones!  What do I tell myself?  How do I know what to worry about!  What do I Google?  “That’s fine” you hear yourself say.  “Thank you doctor, I appreciate it” …and then you leave. 

Days later the whole process is repeated; parking lots, waiting rooms, clip boards, ugly gowns and waiting.  Waiting… Waiting… Waiting.  That problem that was so easily brushed aside refuses to give up center stage.  Now your life rests squarely in the hands of the lab. 

Do they know that they hold your life in the palm of their hands?  Do they understand that the results of this test are not mundane, routine, or insignificant?  It is not merely one test in hundreds that they do each week.  You are not a number, a slide, an x-ray, or biopsy.  You are flesh and blood.  You are someone’s family member, friend, co-worker, mentor and leader.  Your life matters.  You have goals, expectations, and dreams.  But all of that is on hold as you wait for the lab report. 

People look at your differently now.  There is gentleness in their voice.  “Have you heard anything?”  They ask.  And you wait.  What your life will be over the next few days, months and years all hang in this one phone call.  You know it and everyone around you knows it.  Will this waiting ever end!

And then the phone rings.  Caller ID tells you it is the call that you have waited for.  This is it.  The call you have both longed for and feared.  While other’s watch you pick up the phone.  What will they say?  Will you hang up the phone happy and relieved, or with fear and more questions than answers?  Do you really want to hear what they have to say?  There is only one way to know.  You slowly push the button to answer the phone and hold your breath. 

“Hello” 

“Yes, this is she…”